Yarrkarping!

Dilemmas!

// May 26th, 2009 // No Comments » // Life

As you probably know, I had an interview with HP on Thursday last week. I still haven’t received any word about the results and neither has the agency I applied through. I spoke to them earlier this morning and Tricia, who’s been great, assured me that she’d let me know as soon as she heard something. It’s still making me very nervous though. I have no idea wether they taking longer than they said is a good or a bad thing, or if it is indeed anything at all. They could just be really busy, or they could have had a rescheduling of another interview or something.

In any case it’s making me nervous, and I know it’s not good for me to be like this. I’m loosing my appetite and i’ve got absolutely no will to do anything useful around the flat. It’s a complete mess! I’m trying my best to stay calm and continue like normal, but just thinking of what it would be like to be turned down, or to be accepted for that matter, is quite mind boggling. I really don’t know how I would feel if either thing happened. Of course being turned down would make me sad, but when I’m feeling like I do today I do so much thinking, pondering, examining, that I don’t know what’s up or what’s down in the end. The job would definitely be a vast improvement to my current one, there’s no question about that, it’s a fantastic opportunity and I would say yes without a doubt. I think I would be good at it and I think I would enjoy it. But it’s scary as well. It’d be a more “real” job, a job that I can see myself committing to long term, and I guess that freaks me out a little.

And then there’s the question of where to live which has been nagging me ever since I got the interview. I want to live with Kev, but it seems it’d have to be Paisley anyway in the end. I was hoping we would be able to live somewhere to the south of Glasgow, but with the way the trains are running in the mornings it seems that’s not really possible. Paisley would definitely be an improvement to Greenock, but I want to live somewhere I really enjoy living, you know.

And what if I don’t get the job? I don’t even want to think about that. Then I’m back where I started, back to job searching and having too few holidays and not earning enough money. I really don’t want that, really don’t. It’s tiring, and it’s very difficult to take my mind off it and do something else for a while. I envy people that are able to turn things like this on and off at will. I just can’t do that and I think I’m about to go mad because of it. Sometimes I think I should go back to uni, get myself a Master in something that I can actually make a living from in the current climate and just put off trying to find a decent job till all this economical crisis malarky is over. But then again, would that really help? I already have a humongous student loan to pay back and i’m not too keen on making it bigger.

In the words of Manuel; I know nothing!

Touching Taboos

// May 19th, 2009 // No Comments » // Food, Life

Yeah, the topic of this post is a lot less dramatic than it sounds. It’s about weight and dieting, and about the fact that I’m one lazy slob. That’s a huge drawback if you’re trying to loose weight.

And here it comes: “But you don’t need to loose weight!”

No, I don’t. I have a perfectly healthy weight for my height and build and I’m quite happy with the way clothes sit on me. I don’t have to pay for two seats on the plane and I don’t have any trouble getting through narrow passages. I’m not in any danger. However, I’m not content. I would like to loose about 10 lbs and one or two dress sizes. I suppose nobody’s ever completely happy with their weight or the way they look, and I’m fully aware of that excessive dieting or attempts to control your weight can lead to eating disorders. I don’t think I’m in the risk zone. I enjoy food too much to go on a starvation type diet. It just wouldn’t work.

So yeah, I don’t need to do anything about my weight, but I’d like to. I’m terrible at exercising. I try to walk to wherever I’m going when it’s possible, but at the moment, that’s about as far as it goes. I know I should muster up some determination and go to the gym, but the gym’s at work and right now I don’t want to be at work for longer than I have to every day. Ugh, no. I’ve stopped eating sweets though, that’s a start.

But what annoys me, and also what generated the topic, is that people look at you funny when you say you want to loose weight if you’re already at an allright number on the sacles. I don’t know why this is, or why it should be less acceptable for me to try to reach an ideal weight than it is for someone that has a lot further to go.

I’m not quite sure if I’ve gotten across what I wanted to say here, I’m not feeling very articulate today either. But yeah, there.

Dresses, aunts and where did the weekend go?!

// May 18th, 2009 // No Comments » // Life

Sometimes when you’re busy time passes fast like lightning, which is what happened this weekend. I don’t even remember what we did on Friday, but I think we just stayed in and did nothing, preparing for an eventful weekend. Although I must admit I didn’t realise then exactly how eventful it would be, and I certainly didn’t suspect how fast it would pass.

So we slept away half the Saturday, or maybe even more, and then we went into town, last minute, to take a dress I’d found in the attic back home in Sweden to the dress maker for some alterations. There wasn’t enough time then to decide anything about it and since it’s a beautiful old dress I want it to be right, so I’m going back next weekend when I’ll hopefully be awake earlier, and Kev too, or I suppose I’ll have to drag him up. It’s a very pretty dress, hand made in silk, but the person that had it before me either wore a corset or was tiiiiny, so I need it taken out a bit.

And then we got home, got changed and went to a pub and snooker hall for a snooker tournament arranged by Kev’s work. I don’t really play so I watched them play, had about three cans of Irn Bru, cause I didn’t feel like drining any alcohol. It was nice though, although I’d probably rather have stayed in. However, after that we went to some of Kev’s relatives for a drink and a talk and what turned into a big massive music quiz. I really enjoyed it, although towards then end I got very tired. I thought I’d fall asleep right when we got in, but Kev wanted to watch Das Experiment. It was on the TV. I thought I’d snooze a little while he did, but I got drawn in and ended up watching it as well. Got to sleep far too late, andthen I couldn’t sleep for long enough in the morning. I don’t know what it is, but I don’t seem to be able to sleep for as long as I used to. Maybe I’m growing up. Horrible thought!

Anywho, on the Sunday I got to meet Kevin’s great aunt for the first time. We took her out for dinner and it was really great. She’s a nice old lady, healthy in both body and mind, and sharp as well. I liked her. She seems to be one of those no-nonsense old people that just really makes you feel at home. So I enjoyed that as well, but when we got home neither me nor Kev had any idea where the weekend had gone. It was just behind us somehow, even though it felt like it really only should have been Saturday afternoon at most.

So we decided to be as lazy as possible next weekend. Apart from when we take my dress back into town that is. But yes, do as little as possible. It’s going to be nice.

I have noticed though that I don’t seem to be very capable of any sort of quality writing tonight though. It might be because of the shortness of the weekend. We stayed up way too late last night, very much in denial of the coming Monday. I think that’s it. I think I really should lie down and go to sleep. I’m writing this from bed so it shouldn’t be overly difficult.

Oh, and for those of you that haven’t seen already, there’s a new chapter up at Nevermore. Marcus does some remenissing.

What else? Oh yes, I’ve got a job interview on Thursday, but I think I’d be better off telling you about it once I’ve had it. Suffice to say I’m really nervous. I really want the job!

Ups and Downs and Rollercoasters

// May 13th, 2009 // No Comments » // Gaming, Life, Travel

I’m such a bad blogger, I haven’t written in ages. Again! But I think I’m excused. I have been on holiday after all. Me and Kev went to Sweden for the weekend and before that… well, I’ve been busy worrying about getting a new job. It’s literally taking up all of my spare energy, that and Final Fantasy X. I need to get Auron’s celestial weapon dammit! Gotta catch ‘em all! And all this business have made me neglect Nevermore as well. I’ve got half a chapter on the go. If work is quiet tomorrow, I may be able to finish it. Hope so, continual updates helps with the gaining and keeping of readers. I suppose I shall admit that it’s not one of my strong sides. But I’ve got so many things on my mind. It’s hard to keep track of all of them.

Anyway, Sweden was awesome! We were really busy the whole time and it was so nice to see family and friends again. Good food and rollercoasters! Yes, we went to Liseberg, went on everything. Tried the new ride, HangHai, and I think it could have been a bit more scary, mind blowing and exciting. I do however think that SpinRock and UppSwinget are my new favourites. I always imagined my favourite would be a rollercoaster, but not in this case. Those two are just fantastic rides. Although, I think my favourite ride that I’ve ever been on is Nemesis at Alton Towers, but then again, I can’t exactly say I’ve been on a huge amount of rides. I plan to though. Yes I do. We also got really drunk one evening, I looked funny in many many pictures, and we had an absolute blast! The day after was spent in bed, on the sofa and then later, eating mum and dad’s awesome food served in celebration of mum turning 48 a week before. Later that evening we went over to Emma and Christian’s and watched “The Spirit” and like anything Frank Miller (imho) it was really good. I love the style and the art and the dark sense of humour. And the sometimes not so dark sense of humour. Samuel L. Jackson was great as the octopus and in the beginning I didn’t think I’d like ScarJo’s character, but I did. A really good movie that I highly recommend, especially if you’ve got a massive HD tv, a surround system and a BluRay-palyer. Sharp!

Awesome weekend all in all and I was completely exhausted when I got back to work yesterday. Almost fell asleep at my desk so many times. All the time in fact. Work is getting increasingly difficult to get through. Not because the work in itself is difficult, but because I’m not motivated at all. There is nothing to be motivated about and it’s really getting me down. And you all know that I’m looking for a new job at the moment, I’m applying like mad and I’m finally seeing a little bit of result. I’ve got one interview today and one next week, both with recruitment agencies. But they are big agencies and the one I had an interview for about a week ago was really positive about finding me a job, even though the job we had in mind for me then didn’t come through. But the whole thing is a bit of a rollercoaster in itself, and it’s not one I like being on. My mood goes from really positive to completely miserable in hours sometimes and that’s so exhausting. I just want it to end and sometimes I have a mind to give up and just stay here, but then I remember that I like having a disposable income and a pension fund and benefits and enough holidays to be able to go abroad in the summer as well as visit my friends and family a couple of times a year. And if nothing else, that makes me realise that I’d be even more miserable if I did nothing about my situation.

Good news though, my new boss is really good. He really makes an effort to get to know people, he’s enthusiastic and very open to suggestions. It feels like I’d be able to talk to him if there was something to talk about. I mean, I have lots to say about this job, but I don’t think it’d be a good idea to share it with my superiors. But yes, he seems good. And that’s good. It makes it a little easier to come here every day. I don’t dislike any of my other colleagues, they’re all decent people. But I’m not connecting with any of them either. And I think that’s an important part of liking your job, liking and connecting with your workmates.